The Rainbow Underwear Phase

“Look. I know how being gay goes, okay? When you first start figure it out, you’re like “Oh no, I might be gay!” And then it’s like “oh, I am gay!” And then it’s like “gay gay gay, rainbow underwear!” But eventually, you realize you’re just a person, and it’s really empowering not to have to be defined by who you want to be with.” – One Day at a Time, S03E1.

When I first told my father that I was gay, he was surprisingly okay with it. But then, as I was thinking that it went far better than I expected, he added: ‘Who knows? It might be a phase!’ And it hurt.

It hurt my feelings because a part of me believed that it could be true. A part of me feared that this brand-new pride and this genuine sense of self-identity could be a phase. And soon, this phase would come to an end and leave me with nothing left but my sad, same old me, and I would never be my true self again.

One Day at a Time, as silly and sugar-coated this show can be, may have got this right. I am going through a phase. Not a “Don’t worry, you will turn into a straight woman again” but more like a “Soon you will find the peace of mind you are craving for, and you won’t feel this need to prove who you are to every single person you meet, and you will live your own truth with no one around to care” phase. I have never noticed the difference until then.

Being queer still takes strength, time, energy and bravery, even though it is easier today than it used to be for our elders. Activism can be mentally exhausting, especially when you are nothing of an outspoken person. It is deeply reassuring to know that I don’t need to go through this constant fight forever if I don’t want to.

Now that I am aware of this, I can embrace this whole glitters, unicorns, colorful flags, men boxers, and angry twitter threads period of my life: The Rainbow Underwear Phase. When you are twenty, shouting gay jokes at your friends, falling in love and not giving a damn. It feels good to embrace it, after years of exclusion and feeling drifted away. We may keep fighting and shouting as we grow old, but some of us may not. And either way, it is perfectly okay.

I can’t wait to be a three-cats-owner, book nerd, cookie-maker lesbian grandma.

It sounds nice.